Game of Rap

Deep thoughts on Sam Lachow's triumphant solo release

2011-07-22T00:56:00.000-07:00

Just got my hands on Sam Lachow's recent release "Brand New Bike" and I am giving it a listen, wholeheartedly. Some of you may remember Shankbone and their meteoric rise on 206Proof as quite possibly the nehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifxt big thing... to SOYGNH. Then out of nowhere, two things happened.

Shankbone got a mention in the Huffinton Post alongside Macklemore:

Then Sam Lachow decided it was time to distance himself from the funny faced group of goobers and showcase his talents around himself and not his goofy fucking friends.

Further more, I heard Sam Lachow had sex with one of his teachers. That's fucking bossy right there. We've all heard about rappers and their groupies, but to toot it and boot it to your fucking teacher is MASSIVE. Sam gets points right there from me.

Anyway, let's get on with this review.

Track 01: Thank You For Tonight

This is a song. Sam basically composes the music from nothing but his voice, into a swanky jazz ensemble. As he directs his acquaintances in almost Sinatra like fashion, leading the Pack, he hits a crescendo and then passes vocal duties off to a beautiful voice... that of Eliza Young. Once she hits the track, it becomes grown up. This version is different from the version released with this video:

- the album version as a whole is better, but I prefer the female voice on the video version a bit more. The ultimate message behind this song is that Sam gets bitches. I believe him. He's running this pale face Seattle swag, all unapologetic style. This is grown folks music. Readers of the Huffington Post would get jiggy to this shit.

Track 02: Brand New Bike

Oh hey, Sam Lachow. Let's start this track out right with a pretty lady voice. Good choice. Pretty ladies > Shankbone Alumni. This song evokes the feeling of being young and not giving a fuck. Getting your new bike and exploring the neighborhood. You feel kind of invincible. This song makes you feel that way again. Of course, you weren't invincible. You were some prick kid on your new bike, one wrong turn away from getting it stolen or worse hit by a car because you're too busy thinking of Pokemon or some other kid shit than keeping out of traffic. Still, it's nice to be dumb and innocent again. Another great song that probably speaks deeply to those on the Eastside of Lake Washington.

Track 03: Hash Muffins

This is a smoking song that has a sensual feeling to it. It's totally gay for weed. The chorus is auto tuned, or some other version of robot voice. This is so fucking slow. All I can picture is all of the dudes on this song sitting around on a couch in a dark room, passing around a blunt and sucking it with super wet lips. I dunno. Not my favorite track on the album.

Track 04: Rude Pussy

This is a song about girls. Girls with attitudes. Sam thinks he's too cool for 'em, even tho they act like they're too cool for him. Then all of a sudden a girl starts rapping about all the guys she bangs. She's banging twins without them knowing... that's ass backwards. Twins should be tagging the same girl, acting like the same brother. Damnit. The chorus says "Who do you think you are? Marilyn Monroe? HELL NO!". I'm very conflicted on this one, because the Sam Lachow I think I know wouldn't give a shit about a rude bitch.

Track 05: Gary Payton

This is the song from the most recent video to drop from the album, I assume the single. It's fun. Sam comes different like Ham and Green Eggs. I GOT DUBS! I GOT DUBS ON DECK! I'm not sold on Sam's acquaintances, but they probably party tough with him. I would totally drink beers with those guys tho... they talk about Micro Brews and stuff, I bet their parents have a sweet bottle of Scotch above the refrigerator too.

Track 06: Backwards

Here comes the saxophone again and some pretty lady sing moans to accompany it. This song says that people are going to try and bring you down. A lot of people have tried to bring down Sam Lachow. I was one of them at first... but fuck man, I was wrong. He's just doing his damn thing and he's not out here faking his persona or cutting at another mother fucker.

Track 07: LittleManBigCity

Cute girl voice doing the "Da da da dada Da da" through out. Sam's talking to his brother about growing up. Telling him not to do bad stuff like smoke with cigawettes and do hood rat stuff. He drops the "fucked a teacher" line in this. Talks about doing hood rat stuff. Tells his brother not to grow up too fast. In New York City. Don't let it take you away. Good stuff, brother Sam.

Track 08: The Rapper (Interlude)

He's mocking those kids who want to be rappers and not do anything else with their life. Whining to their daddy to feed them while they try to be Snoop Dogg. It's in an aristocratic voice. Lulz.

Track 09: My House

This track boasts that you need to take your fucking shoes off before coming into Sam's house. It's a metaphor for him running this shit. It's probably the most Sam Lachow way of saying, he runs this rap shit. It's pretty fucking good. I like it. If you have beef with a man telling you to take your shoes off, then I guess you need to go walk through dog shit and slide it across Sam's carpet.

Track 10: Captain Fun

This is a party track. Sam's hangs with all types of people. Gangsters and party kids and stuff. Just a bunch of dumb guys doing what kids do. Don't complain about the noise, damnit. You used to make noise. AWE AWE YEAH! I hate the guest appearance's whiny rap voice... but fuck it, I bet he's a beast at Beer Pong.

Track 11: The Best Part

This song is cheery. When you're a contract killer you're SUPPOSED to shoot. Hardest verse on the entire CD so far is on here... from Razpy. Sam proudly exclaims he doesn't need ex-girlfriends. There's plenty of fish in the sea and Sam's a fucking angler.

Track 12: Illegal

Sam talks about guns. People dreaming that they could take him out. HE'S A GANGSTER ASS WHITE BOY! This song is pretty HOARD. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS LEGAL? This CD is getting progressively more gangster as it nears it's end. Much like Sam himself, at first take, you see a classy student with a penchant for fun, but when you dig deeper... fuck, he's banging teachers and smoking blunts with known thugs. If you're a gangster in Seattle and you don't have yourself a white boy in the crew yet, I suggest you swoop up Sam. He's on some MVP white boy status.

Track 13: Swisher Sweet Dreams

This one goes out to Seattle. Not just for the blunt smokers... everybody. The girl on the hook comes appropriate. This is the far superior weed ode to the Hash Muffins track. Sam paints some pictures of Seattle, from when he was growing up... but it's all a memory now, as he's moved on. The track cuts out and after a short silence, we get an accapella bonus. The CD is over.

Final analysis?

If you've ever liked any of Sam's songs, you will like this CD. There's two Sam Lachows on this disc. The jazzy, ladie's man Sam and the swagged out white boy Sam. There's about a 50/50 split on those tracks through out. Would I listen to this again? Maybe... if I ever listened to music for leisure. But I don't. I listen to music for sport. For the hopes I can gut apart somebody's hard work.

I would have loved to gut apart Sam Lachow's album, Brand New Bike... but I can't. He took all the right steps. He put out a good CD. I bet my mom would love this CD. I hope Sam makes like a million dollars off this music. It's more refined and grown up than most anything I'm hearing from rap kids his age. I can just imagine him headlining a night at Seattle's Jazz Alley. Smiling white faces in the crowd, nodding back and forth as they eat their high priced dinner salads.

Good job!

I lost my smile...

2010-02-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

The situation: People have been asking where I've been lately and wondering what's up with this particular blog. They wonder why I'm not calling out fools on their buffoonery or whack-tastic voyages. They want to know what I've been doing... have I been slacking? Have I fell off? The truth is, I've had serious heart failure.

My heart's just not in it like it used to be. As fun as it is to play watch dog, it's just as repetitive and rarely rewarding. I just don't care about Larry the Loser and his campaign for Northwest domination. I care about my own path. I care about the groups who are making positive moves and delivering fun music. I care about love and family. Something I have found in Seattle Hip-Hop. Something I will always defend and honor. It's just not something I need to be picking apart at the seams.

Game tips/Walk throughs: SORRY! I'm focused on the positive right now. I have a lot of projects open, not to mention the great people I've been working with for live shows in this city. It's been a lot of fun. This blog might see some more posts, but I think it's going to be under a new pretense. The old ways were fun for a while, but '010 needs to be different.

206Proof's BurnsGiving Celebration

2009-11-27T03:34:00.001-08:00

The situation: Linked here for those interested in the new tradition, members of the 206Proof Hip-Hop forum were encouraged to spend the day of Thanks slamming the shit out of each other. Myself, Gatsby aka Dro Boy, DJ Nphared, MTK, Duranged Pitt and even a holiday special cameo from Seattle Time's music blogger Andrew Matson (among others). We all took the time to celebrate.

I would suggest going over the lengthy thread of quick witted caps and give yourself a little chuckle. One of my favorite snaps was a simple "sorry I couldn't pick up the phone earlier, I was busy staring off blankly into space" from Larry Mizell - but then a generous paragraph or so from Nightclubberlang to Everett's super producer MTK was a gem too.

Game tips/Walk through: Get your Proof calluses. I suggest you check out the thread, linked above, and spend the next 360 some days preparing for our next BurnsGiving event, as this is definitely a tradition worth upholding.

8 Rappers To Watch Out For In Seattle....

2009-11-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

8. Petty P
7. Petty P
6. Petty P
5. Petty P
4. Petty P
3. Petty P
2. Petty P
1. Petty P
The Situation: In a post titled "8 Artists To Watch Out of Seattle", where you will find a great write up/mixtape about some Seattle Rappers, you will also find a poor guy digging his grave. Enter Petty P... a man petty enough, that he would claim himself more deserving of recognition than artists like J. Pinder, Spaceman and GMK. He would continue to snap misguided disses through out the post, making himself look like an idiot in the process.

If things weren't bad enough for Petty, 206 Proof alias "Dave Meinert" (a twisted homage to Seattle music power figure Dave Meinert, NOT ACTUALLY Dave Meinert) entered the fray. He said this of Petty P:

"AYO PETTY P YOU CANT FUCK WITH MEINMILLY I GOT THAT SHIT FOR THE GANGSTERS AND TWEAKERS FUCKEN ACTIVISTS AND BARISTAS FAM

I GOT THAT SHIT FOR THOSE FUCKEN CRACKERS AT CAFE VITA AND MY REAL CATS IN THE HOOD WITH STREET SWEEPERS

MY CHAI TEA SIPPERS AND CANDY PAINT FLIPPERS FAM

MY FUCKEN CATS CARRYING NINES AND MY CATS WITH MCGINN FOR MAYOR SIGNS FAM

FOR VELVET PICKLE AND HER HOMEGIRLS* CREW AND EVEN PROMO'S PUNK ASS TOO

THEY CALL YOU PETTY P CUZ YOUR FUCKEN PAPER IS PETTY FAM"

This post would fuel the fire that set Petty P off into an oblivious spiral of self defeat. Remember, Dave Meinert is an alias on 206Proof.com - not a real person, so this is the equivalent of fighting with an imaginary friend.

Petty would go on to burn potential bridges with Larry Mizell Jr. (writer for The Stranger and DJ for KEXP's Street Sounds), Kitty Wu (respected 206 Zulu representative and long time partner in Coolout Television) and Duranged Pitt (super sized Gangster Rapper and man who's dick is more famous than Petty P). Needless to say, it's not good times for Petty's P.R. department.

Now, I tried to stay out of it all. I've known about Pierre for quite a while. He recorded a lot with my friend Isaac Meek at Undercaste Records and I feel really bad calling anybody out who I've seen fucking struggle to produce music of even the lowest quality. Before that even, I heard stories from cats in his hood that he was always the little homey, struggling to fit in. Anyone else can see this guy's about as awkward as a 3 Dollar Bill, there's no genius in pointing that out.

I did however make one joke at his expense, responding to this picture:

"Gotta love it when the only fan in the crowd has an on/off switch."

Sorry, the observation was priceless and needed to be said. I'm never hesitant to speak my mind... openly. Unfortunately, poor Petty P had some ideas who the "Dave Meinert" alias on the Proof was. In response to somebody bringing up Meinmilly's hiatus from the thread, Pierre replied with "u mean billy tha fridges big fat ass!!!??he dont want none!!??". As if you weren't wrong enough, Pierre, I am not "Dave Meinert"... and I do actually want some.

Game tips/Walk through: Let the Wookie win. Pierre, you're corny. It's not that I want to ruin your career, or even have to for that matter, you've done a great job of that on your own. The thing is, I find it fun and entertaining to rip people to shreds. I'm a winner by nature, I put a tenth the effort into this Rap Game than you do, and I get 100 times the reward. It's attitude.

While you sit there and whine about nobody giving a fuck about you or your music, then claim that you're way beyondish other cats in the scene, I sit back and contribute to the city as a whole. There is no "me" in Seattle, but there is a lot of Seattle in me. You need to choke back some of that dorky fucking ego you walk with, dude. Calling me out is a mistake you don't want to make.

BODIED: Behold a Pale Sosa

2009-11-15T04:39:00.001-08:00

The Situation: Recent photos of Sammy Sosa have shown him with terribly bleached skin. His Casperish facial coloration has even garnered some comparisons to Michael Jackson's fading skin tone. Our friend DJ Nphared, a Seattle musician and 206Proof mainstay, came to Sosa's defense. The following string of posts happened...

Game tips/Walk through:

N.Buck Presents Rip Off 101

2009-11-07T15:25:00.001-08:00

The Situation: This dude N.Buck just posted his Wale compilation on 206Proof.com - maybe you can find something wrong with this picture?

Now, look beyond the 4th Grade Photoshop 'mixtape' cover... even ignore that the track listing is nearly a complete rip-off of some Twitter posts Wale leaked of his own old shit. Take a look at the top of that cover, can you make out that writing across the top? It reads "N.Buck presents Hip Hop 101". Yeeeaah, about that... do your homework dude.

Anybody who's been around the town for a while knows that Hip Hop 101 was the weekly Seattle Rap Show produced for years on public access. Dev From Above (then Dirty Dev) was the host with the most and the Mad Krew posse kept the show running smooth. When Kitty Wu came with Cool Out experience and elevated the project, it just kept the show running smoother. It was a huge part of Seattle's Hip Hop history.

Game tips/Walk through: Training mode. Seriously, dude... don't go around trying to 'teach people' some shit, when you yourself need to learn a couple of things. Welcome to 206 101, boss. This may not be as epic as BBNR's treading on the Rocksteady Crew, but it holds the same tone. Change the fuckin' name, kid.

Throwback Thursday: Grandmaster B

2009-11-05T01:26:00.000-08:00

The Situation: In 1992, Married With Children sitcom star, David Faustino, put out a hip-hop single.

Game tips/Walk through: Most of Seattle's aspiring Rap Star try-hards need to take heed. If early 90's Bud Bundy rapped better than you do, just quit.

The Day the Music Died...

2009-10-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

The Situation: The twitters are a buzz with some reliable (and personally saddening) news. Jonathon Zwickel (@zwickelicious) has reported that The Saturday Knights are no more. This pretty much wrecks me. I've been a Barfly Stan ever since he dropped "Bear Claw" on 206Proof in 2007. Adding in Tilson and Spence turns a performance into a party. The Saturday Knights were about fun.

I think back to the TSK performance at the Oldominion 10 Year Anniversary and am reminded of how much they fuckin' rocked. I think Spence broke about two tambourines and maybe created a one man mosh pit. I also remember chowing down damn near a dozen doughnuts with the team behind me, a soundtrack to victory. I remember some crazy after hours moments with the crew too.

Mingle is as great a listen today as it was the first time I heard it. I've owned something like 5 or 6 copies of the disc and I don't think I've got one left right now. It's something you want to lend to friends, because you know they're going love it.

I can't help but think of all the other Seattle Hip-Hop acts I'd like to see fail miserably and crumble, long before I'd like see The Saturday Knights fade into the sun. Rather than post a list, which would take up too much space, I'll just post a recent Big Kountry/Studio Seven flyer:

Game tips/Walk through: The Blame Game. Now, a lot of people are going to want to point their fingers, putting blame on those responsible for The Saturday Knights demise. If you must, point that finger straight up in the sky. God did it. Music has been smote once again. This time I assume, for being too much fun and taking attention away from worship.

So be it, God's Wrath wins again. A fond farewell to the Knights. I'm going to Mingle.

Badeep, badeep, badeep, Datz All Folks!

2009-10-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

The Situation: If you're not familiar with Datz Cold, keep it that way. He's a terrible troll of a human and a Northwest Originator for Idiocy. He would have been a Game of Rap All-Star in his prime. Now he's just spitting out a terrible EP. If you would like to torture yourself, give it a listen on his bandcamp profile.

Game tips/Walk through: Ha, hee, hachoo! This is terrible music from a sub par humanoid. I believe one of the classic quotes from the old Northwest Xplosion board was in reference to Datz Cold, simply stating "I bet he wishes his life had a reset button." If only life were more like video games.

Lil' Flip Loses King of the South Battle, Now Up for Sea-Town's Finest

2009-10-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

The Situation: The Northwest's "High Powered Entertainment" have secured a certified superstar on their roster.

Game tips/Walk through: GAME OVER! FLIP! FLIP! FLIP! What you gonna do? He's sporting the 206 Fitted through out the video. He's one of us now! Kudos to High Powered Entertainment for putting the Area Code on. Now I'm just waiting for Huey to move to Seattle and give our city a SUPER GROUP!

A Wreck, some G.O.A.T.s and a Hobby Wonker

2009-10-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

The situation: A man walks into a forum, claims his lowly beheld friends are the greatest musicians in Seattle's hip hop history, then gets awkwardly defensive and starts blasting anybody and everybody with a differing opinion... even tried and true successful Seattle musicians. You think this story would get old, but I'm afraid it's as fresh as ever and the most recent uproar on 206Proof.com.

For those that don't make the Proof a daily stop, allow me to retell this gem of a story as it unraveled. This cat named 'catchwreck', whatever that means, jumped up on the Proof like "Knowmads: Why do I feel like they aren't gettin as much love or as popular as they should be." Then he continues to place them above acts like Blue Scholars, The Saturday Knights and Fresh Espresso (among many others). At least Krue's fan only tried placing him above Grynch (yet failed miserably).

The awesome thing was, once Rhyme Sayers recording artist, now MYX Music Label Manager, Karim Panni (Nightclubber Lang) dropped some of the coldest, game breaking lines on the kids including "they might be the worst group i've ever seen in my life" all the way to "all their energy should be put into something that will help further their career - like learning to be a barista, or how to properly wash lettuce and still comply to health code, or how to catch thieves who shoplift at tj maxx."

If that weren't enough, when Seattle emcee Type chimes in with his 1/50th of a dollar, the 'catchwreck' kid starts going off about some dick pictures of Type he's got on his cell phone or something. It's completely ridiculous... I'd suspect this behavior from a teenage girl (but then again, I'm not sure this 'catchwreck' kid isn't one).

Long story short, these Knowmad kids aren't worth your time. If they're your friends, cool. If you go to school with them, awesome. I went to school with a kid who played on the Saved By The Bell spin-off "California Dreams". That kid was awesome, he traded me my first Gameboy for a stack of Pogs.

Game tips/Walk throughs: POGS! Seriously, trade your pogs to the Knowmads for a Gameboy or something. Just don't bother listening to their cliche/shitty music. Second tip, don't try arguing with their friend/fan about them, because he's already diluted enough to enjoy their music, he won't respond well to reason. Just remind him that his friends are the stuff baristas are made of, and not rappers. That oughtta keep 'em busy fuming at the gills for a while.

Even though everybody seems to think they can rap, barely anybody is ready to call the douche bag pretenders out on their violations. We need more people who are man enough to set these whack-stars straight, rather than feed into their illusions of grandeur. It's time these kids start getting their fuckin' cards pulled.

RIP James "TalkSick" Sullivan

2009-10-14T11:19:00.001-07:00

I can't believe we lost a brother and adamant supporter of hip hop and it's history. To those who knew, and especially to those that didn't, check out his music archive/blog for some real old school and hard to find, slept on music.

TalkSick's Blog Spot of Slept On Material

RIP to one of the realest in this city.

Shakur, Wallace, Carter, Cyrus

2009-10-10T00:15:00.000-07:00

The situation: I mean, fuck it right... ~~everybody~~ anybody can rap. It's as easy as stumbling words across a sample loop. So why the fuck does it still hurt me when I hear shit like this?

It sucked when Ron Jeremy did it. It made me cringe when I watched Michael Rapaport do it. I don't even recall Jimmy Fallon doing it, but I'm sure he did and that alone pisses me off. What sucks to me the most, is I fucking know people like this shit. I've seen them fucking eat it up. Bad rap exists because it is allowed to. I should just be happy this particular public urination on rap contains underage girls.

Walk through/Game tips: Kick, Punch, Turn and Chop the door... fuck it, nobody owns hip-hop. Let them distort it and amalgamate it into Disco 2.0 - even good rap is too fucking plentiful. I'm pretty sure nobody ever got rich off rap anyway, they just used it to launder dirty cash.

Just give into the desecration and listen to a Biggie/Miley Cyrus dance mash-up. Then shoot yourself in the face.

Singing the Hip-Hop...

2009-10-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

For anybody who can sing good hip-hop, this metal ska punk reggae band is looking for a vocalist.

Check out their add on 206Proof

One foot into the Rap Tunnel...

2009-09-30T00:41:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Recent controversy and conversation starter, "The Rape Tunnel" has lead local rappers Ripynt and Kublakai to build their own version. When these two awkwardly named emcees were asked "Why build a rap tunnel?", they had some very interesting answers.

Ripynt says "We've tried giving our music away, but we're in a recession. People are far more hesitant these days to accept a free download of an album than years before. With the rise of iTunes and other viable media outlets to actually purchase quality music, many hobby rappers have been left in the dust, with a shitload of unused bandwidth".

"We decided to build a Rap Tunnel out of plywood that leads into the back of Nectar Lounge. There is no way in or out of this part of the Nectar Lounge except for this tunnel. As you travel through the tunnel, it gets smaller and smaller, making it so that you have to crawl and put yourself in a submissive position in order to reach the tunnel's destination. At the end of the tunnel the subject will find me and Ripynt hobby rapping to the best of our ability. It's going to be fucking maddening," says Kublakai.

Game tips/Walk throughs: Enter through the castle's back door. Seriously, for those that would rather just walk into the show tonight at Nectar Lounge, feel free... the show, like the two EP's it is promoting, is totally free. For those that would rather face the Rap Tunnel, be warned that Notion and Wizdom are also on the bill.

* quotes contained in this entry may be completely fabricated.

And so begins the Seattle Juggalo War...

2009-09-18T13:10:00.001-07:00

The Situation: It seems like ages ago (because it was, literally over a year) that I made a comment that would come back to haunt me.

In response to this photo, I typed a very tasteless quip.

"That's not their Baby's Funeral... they're crying because that cooler is empty of Faygo."

At the time I thought it was clever. I probably could have made a similar joke had it been a Trekkie baby funeral or a Jedi baby funeral. It would have been just as tasteless and possibly just as funny. I don't know.

Since then I have received multiple comments, including death threats, from the Juggalo community. I even made a public apology to the Juggalo communtiy a few months ago, after receiving the most severe death threat. Still, I feel as if there is a war brewing.

Most recently, a Juggalo named CiCi has taken offense to my comments. Though I felt like I already apologized for my tasteless joke, still I feel the backlash. When CiCi, this jaded Juggalette, tried to chastise the 206Proof community for their downer attitude on Juggalos, it only stirred up even more drama.

I don't feel like I'm the one that started the negative criticism of Juggalo lifestyle, but it seems like my comments are their gateway into our world. For that, I feel like I need to be a Martyr. Some sort of Juggalo Jesus, who is willing to die for the sins of the paint. I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. The only answer I see is...

Game tips/Walk through: Juggalo Makeover. I'm going to listen to The Great Milenko, watch Big Money Hustlas, drink faygo and ultimately dawn the face paint. I'm willing to walk a mile in their shoes. I will become Juggalo, to try and find a way for us to coexist. If I fail, so begins the 206 Proof / Juggalo War.

They're trying to kill me...

2009-09-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to chime in on the fact that I haven't posted any updates recently... it's not because there haven't been any targets. It's because I've been dying or something. Last week, I got food poisoned at my favorite restaurant. Hooray! Luckily, that cleared up just in time for me to go to PAX.

I got to see MC Frontalot do what he does best along with another 5,000 or so fans. It was a high point of the weekend. Then I come home from PAX and start to hear about outbreaks of Swine Flu from the weekend. Then I start getting terribly sick. Then I had PAX Flu. If I keep going at this rate, I should have AIDS by the end of the month.

FUCK MY LIFE.

THAT NEW AFTERBURNER IS FIRE!

2009-09-01T13:58:00.001-07:00

The Situation: Seattle rapper and proprietor of SeattleRaps.net, Afterburner, has announced his debut CD release. Here is an excerpt in his own words:

"release" took while because i'm (exclusive) "freshman: mc & producer" on debut. surf-in & download your FREE copy of my self-titled debut rap "afterburner", & buy rest(7raps) of debut lp only 13.95$ @ seattleraps.net i plan "fun" local promo tour fall '09!

Basically, what my man Afterburner is trying to say is HE SPITS HOT FIYAH! (No Dylan). To get a little taste of the god emcee in action, visit his online home base at SeattleRaps.net or his social networking hub - either way, it's certified.

Game tips/Walk through: There's no denying what Afterburner does. If you don't get him, YOU are doing something wrong. $14 is a small price to pay, to ensure somebody's financial freedom. Why not put your money in this man's pocket?

RE: As the Rain Drizzles

2009-08-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

The Situation: When it rains, it pours... I can't believe this awesome retort that showed up on 206 Proof to Matson's article on Drake's "Successful". It's pretty much the greatest thing, courtesy of R&Bemo:

Game tips/Walk through: Leeroy Jenkins. You just ran in the room and murdered a party of Orcs. Epic troll!

As the Rain Drizzles, Tears Pour

2009-08-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Have you read the deepest blogosphere post in forever? It's been out since yesterday, and it's by Andrew Matson, the Seattleite whose writing never doesn't make me feel a little glazed over.

Well, our resident blogstar and all around hip dude has recently posted a dark and emotional piece about urban music rookie of the year candidate, Drake. As you can feel in Matson's writing, which is like a mash up of hyperbole and tenacious journalism (a style I like to refer to as "Hyper-nalism") there is a deep seeded darkness to this man's reflections.

Not content with just looking into the mirror, he examines it's shiny surface. He peers deeply into the hallow behind him. He recollects more than just what is there, he brings out what does not exist and he makes it ethereal reality. He is a creator at it's purest, most metaphysical form.

Matson is great at writing about feelings, but he's also just great at writing.

Game tips/Walk through: A winner is you. When reflecting upon the mundane, don't look at it's face value. Look deeper. Find a darker, more resounding emotional connection within the content's shallow waters. The difference between a good song and a great song is how the blogs react to it. So don't just react, overreact! Make every word you write the greatest word ever written.

JUGGALO BLOW OUT SALE!

2009-08-28T03:31:00.000-07:00

The Situation: As "Cash For Clunkers" closes out, the deals keep coming in. I just noticed this beauty of a lot on Craigslist... it's basically the Ultimate Juggalo Starter Package. Check out all of the good stuff this 'lo has to offer... much clown love.

For the low, 'lo price of $900 you can be the proud owner of over 40 Juggalo T-Shirts "including a Red Fuck off shirt"... but wait, there's more. This lucky bidder will also receive the early Inner City Posse "Bass-ment Cuts" as well as an entire catalog of ICP, Twizted and Blaze Ya Dead Homie... but still, there's more!

You'll also get stickers, patches, blankets, lunch boxes, a broken back pack, Faygo soda pop covers, bobble heads, dolls/figures/shit and too much more to name. Remember folks, Juggalo merchandise is SERIOUS BUSINESS, so please NO FLAKES! Your ultimate Juggalo starter pack is available for pick up in Tacoma, Washington (where you can also get your copy of Sawchosiz's latest release WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!)

Game tips/Walk through: Up, Up, Down, Down with the clown. You don't need cheat codes to be a Juggalo... if you've somehow made it this far without converting to the Dark Carnival, now is the perfect time to start. The Juggalo revival is coming and like the Zombie Holocaust it's time to choose a side!

1000 words by stfuh8u

2009-08-26T12:49:00.000-07:00

Featured this week in 206proof's SOTW post.

J-Pros or More J-Pros Music because one myspace wasn't enough.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Raps

2009-08-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Ohio superstar of rap, Sado Slim, recently relocated to Seattle because he "HEARD THE HIP-HOP SCENE IS REALLY POPPIN' OFF OUT HERE". He also says, and I quote, "Tha style of Hip-Hop I do isn't like any other...I call it Psychological Hip-Hop, cuz it gets ya to think. Get in contact with me. I'm eager to get on stage and will prove that I'm worthy for any club party."

So we here at Game of Rap decided it was time for a little perverted justice. We had our correspondent pose online as a female fan with weed, offering an email address to get in contact with her. Like all other rap offenders, he fell into our trap and this is what the rhyme molester had to say:

"I got your comment on 206proof.com, what's really good? Hit me up and let me know? I've been staying in Downtown Seattle. Maybe you and I can meet and smoke like you said."
Ahh, he eagerly took the bait. No wannabe rap-star can pass up the reefer. Heather/stfuh8u knows just how to lure the dirty rotten rhymers into her clutches. Let's see what else he has to say...

"Right now, I'm broke as fuck and have no money. I got ripped off out here horribly... I bought 50 fake hits of acid, and when I find dude...I'ma fuck him up."
OH NOES!! I CAN HAZ PSYCHEDELICS?? Darn those dishonest drug dealers. What's worse is I have a feeling our guy, Sado, was going to try and overdose on his little purchase. I can just imagine him 37 sugar cubes deep with nothing more than an upset tummy.

"But I've been working on some new lyrics for my new album I'm working on...I'm at tha point where I don't give a fuck and I will stop at nothing to do what I need to do to make this shit happen."
Good for you, Captain Shithead.

"Hit me back and we can figure something out. I'm gonna be walking around all night tonight just so I can write. I might end up sleeping on tha street because I'm really at a point in my life where I have nothing left for me but this music thing."
OH SNAP! It's that Hobo Hip-Hop! You need to link up with my main man Afterburner and work on some real hood shit. I've heard many cry over the years that "Seattle is getting slept on", but this takes the term far too literally.

Will the real Slim Sado please stand up?

Game tips/Walk through: Go home. Seriously, what the fucks wrong with you? You suck, like all around. You're living in the fucking streets? Just go back to Ohio. Cost of living is far less out there in the corn fields, and you're mad corny to boot. Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit.

When free isn't worth it...

2009-08-18T19:25:00.001-07:00

You know what I miss about all of the free EP's and albums that get handed out these days? I can't give them free street promotion. The days of chucking somebody's expensive hobby out the window of your moving car have been reduced to a rare occasion. Simply dragging and dropping a free EP download to the Recycle Bin just isn't the same.

I wish there were a way to download directly into the trash can. I guess I could just skip downloading it all together. It's just my old school ways still beg to play frisbee with a CD-R. I'm almost tempted to burn these ever popular EP's onto a disc myself, so I can chuck them at the heads of people wearing iPod ear buds... KARMA!

Fuck it though, you should still probably check out Ripynt and Sinic's new effort, A Mid-Summers Day Drive EP. As far as pale faced Everett rap goes, it's undoubtedly the best there is. I just gave the project a listen and it's got a lot to offer. I like the posse tracks, with singers on the chorus... and probably not just because it means less Ripynt either.

One track, "Right Here" features Indijinis, Soul the Interrogator and Ripynt on verses with Aro as the crooner. The other, titled "What I'm Going Through", has female vocalist Latin Rose on the hook with Neema, Ripynt and Speedy delivering 16's. The beauty of these tracks is every collaborator gets to focus on their own little piece of the track, keeping it interesting at the very least.

Ripynt and Sinic bring it on this EP. Other features include Grynch, Thig Natural, Wizdom and Jazz Digga. The 9 tracks all carry a very collective feel and added scratching and samples bring it together as a real project, not just some tracks thrown together. You can tell time and effort were put into this one. And it's free.

So, you might as well give it a listen. It goes pretty hard, all the way through. I bet it really does play well on a long drive too. In fact, its especially great for the people of Everett, as you can listen to it on the drive to somewhere worth being. Download it at www.RipAndSin.com.

1000 words by stfuh8u

2009-08-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

Wednesday you can download the new EP,
A Mid-Summers Day Drive,
from Ripynt and Sinic FO' FREE,by clicking here...
....or here.

The King of Ballard addresses some things

2009-08-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

Yo, ummm, this is kinda poignant as Grynch has much to say about butt hurt rappers and such. Not to mention Andrew Matson decided to blog about it on Seattle Times. Give it a listen, kids.

Seattle Times Blog - The King of Ballard Swings His Sword

1000 words by stfuh8u

2009-08-16T22:20:00.001-07:00

SABO

VS.

SABZI

Let's Taco'bout Peace...

2009-08-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

The Situation: August 27th is Global Forgiveness Day. Think of all the people you've felt wronged by. All the uppity sons of bitches that really get under your skin. Now imagine how many people might feel that way towards you.

It's a vicious cycle of insecurity and hate. How does one go about making change? Taco Del Mar is trying. Visit their website TacoDelMar.com and send your friends (or even enemies) a Free Taco E-Card, showing you forgive them. Then come August 27th, they can turn that lil' tooti into a delicious taco!

Game tips/Walk through: +1 Taco point. What better way to forgive somebody then in the form of Mexican-American cuisine? Seriously, I bet Jesus would have sent Judas a Free Taco of Forgiveness. If all else fails, go start some shit with somebody, in hopes they forgive you with the gift of taco.

1000 words by stfuh8u

2009-08-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

Billy asked me to be a part of The Game of Rap. As I am not much of a writer, we both agreed that what I will be posting are pictures with short commentaries... starting with:

our friend S oul T he I nterrogator.

Soul had a bad day....

Nickels' reaction when he heard Soul got some (finally)

Reaction when his pal Nickels saw the infection (not that one, the other one).

...And as for the suspected STI donors,
they would never come out and kick it with Soul again.

I JUST GOT A DEAL WITH PONZI RECORDS!

2009-08-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

The Situation: An email was sent to 206 Proof member Mobucks three times in the past two weeks offering him a sweet record deal with Universal. Although it does seem Universal hands out deals these days as Trick or Treats on Halloween, this is remarkably faulty. Let's take a look at the message:

"HEY MOBUCKS HOW R U? MY NAME IS SYLVIA B RHONE. I AM THE VP OF UNIVERSAL RECORDS.U CAN GOOGLE ME TO SEE WHO I AM. I JUST CAME ACROSS YOUR MUSIC AND SEE THAT YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE IT. YOU ARE JUST LACKING THE PROPER EXPOSURE DUE TO YOUR LOCATION OR DUE TO YOUR MANAGEMENT NOT KNOWING ANYBODY MAJOR IN THIS MUSIC BUSINESS.IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF MANAGEMENT OR IF YOU WANNA COME OUT AND OPEN UP ON TOUR FOR ANY UNIVERSAL RECORDS ARTIST PLEASE LEAVE US A CONTACT NUMBER AND I WILL HAVE ONE OF MY REPS GIVE YOU A CALL. IF YOU WANNA PARTICPATE ON THIS NEW YOUNGMONEY TOUR. IT IS A PROMOTERS FEE OF $600. U CAN OPEN UP FOR LIL WAYNE,YOUNG JEEZY AND KANYE WEST AND SOLIDER BOY. AUGUST 13 PHOENIX,AZ. AUGUST 14 I L A. ALSO YOU CAN OPEN UP AUGUST 15 IN SAN FRANSICO AND LAST DALLAS TX AUGUST 17. WE WILL PAY FOR FOUR FLIGHTS ND FOUR HOTELS. ALL THE MAJOR RECORDS LABELS WILL BE ON THIS TOUR. YOU WILL COME OUT AND PERFORM THREE OF YOUR BEST SONGS. THERE WILL BE THREE ACTS PERFORMING. TWO WILL BE SELECTED FOR A RECORDS DEAL. THIS IS A FIRST COME,FIRST SERVE BASIS. WE LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU AND HELPING YOU FURTHER YOUR MUSIC CAREER. WITHOUT NO EXPOSURE THERE WILL BE NO SUCCESS IN THIS MUSIC INDUSTRY."

My favorite part is that Sylvia B. Rhone would type in all caps. That certifies this email as totally gangster.

Game tips/Walk through: IT'S A TRAP! Lol, if you're too gullible to realize this is a freakin' scam, then send me $600 and I'll be your personal scam detector. I accept paypal, western union and paper bag full of unmarked bills deposited in the trash can outside of Dick's Lake City location at 3am PST.

Multi-tasking in Music

2009-08-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Tone Loc was a pretty famous rapper, being one of the first to really cross over into mainstream Hollywood with appearances in cinema classics like Ferngully and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The two songs that made him the mega star he was were "Funky Cold Medina" and "Wild Thing". The best thing about them is that they were the same song.

Paul over at Paul's Pond put together this sweet little video playing each of the two songs at once, one in stereo right and the other in stereo left. The end result is pretty much the best version of the two songs. It's just jumbled enough that you feel like you're listening to The Beatles back masking, yet it fits together so perfectly that it holds the same effect as lining up Dark Side of the Moon with the Wizard of Oz. This mash up is easily my favorite version of the (3) song(s).

Seriously guys, check it out - Paul's Ponderings on Tone Loc

Game tips/Walk through: Back, Back, A, B, Start. This is cheat codes at it's finest. I recommend more people make one song into two so that they fit so perfectly layered over another. You could start your own musical revolution like chopped and screwed or mash ups. I could listen to this all day, as I slowly creep into a state of joyous insanity.

I'll be back soon with some super sweetness regarding teh local hip-hopz.

Why? A Question with Answers

2009-08-10T02:27:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Local producer Nickels recently posed a question to the Hip-Hop Echelons of the Northwest music scene. Here it is in it's entirety:

"Why are Seattle heads famous for only paying attention to a select few artists and ignoring the rest... Especially since some of these slept on ones could murder those who are in the spot light... Seattle sucks"

Rather than answer this question myself, I figured I'd give some shine to a relative unknown in the local rap game. Not only should this give us a fresh perspective on an old topic, but it also might turn you on to some new and exciting music. This artist has lived in Seattle for quite sometime now, but was a transfer to our great city from Southern California. You may not known his name, Dro Boy, as well as you know his group, They Live (who's EP, "They L.A. Soul", is set to release in the upcoming months). I'm very interested in picking the brain of this talented youngster, so let's get started.
_____________________________________

Game of Rap: So, Dro Boy, I haven't heard that name prior to "They Live" fame, but people tell me you've been a part of the Northwest scene for some time. Could you tell me a little about the struggle you
faced against the Hip-Hop Elite, to make it where you have with your group "They Live"?

Dro Boy: Well sure its never been easy but I dont feel held down in the scene, i feel like this town has a ridiculous breadth and there's support for everybody thats dope and fucking hustles for theirs.seattle is dope, and probably at an all-time high in terms of support- but outside of here they barely know, which is a huge challenge to anybody here, but its go hard time basically. the only thing that works is work. i stay busy doing the shit i love to do- i've been in cancer rising since 2001, i also am in the nite owls. between these crews, i've gotten to open for everybody from the Wu-Tang Clan to Scarface to Clipse to Big Boi to Clipse to Dj Quik to fuckin Mickey Avalon. Rocked with techno monsters like Truckasauras and some of the best rock bands in Seattle. i've rocked in like every spot in town besides the paramount, every festival here from block party to bumbershoot to warped tour to sasquatch, toured the NW with CR, went to Denmark to rock @ the roskilde fest, They Live! is currently performing on the nationwide sneaker pimps tour...

Game of Rap: Well, damn. I didn't realize all of that. I guess that just shows you how much the musical elite really hold back our city's talent. My next question I guess, is how hard has it been for you to
get media coverage in this city. Is there any outlet for local music to get its shine?

Dro Boy: Um, I think there's more outlets than ever. There's people fucking excited about local hiphop at about every music publication and blog in town, speaking of blogs, they're springing up like every day- such as yours. blogs is watching, drop-bomb.com, audacity of dope, casey carter, plus at least a half dozen others out there...i started Raindrop Hustla in january 2006...and we're still doing it. not to mention, uh, ive written about just about everybody in this town via the weekly column My Philosophy, in The Stranger, over the last five years, and i still do.

Game of Rap: Oh. Damn. I guess I should have done more research. Well, textual media is one thing. Everybody knows how hard it is to get yourself on the radio these days. Have any of your groups been played on Seattle Radio?

Dro Boy: ...okay so this is playtime right? yes. yes they have, every last one of them. KEXP has been playing CR since our first demo, we've been in heavy rotation- like more than a few local hiphop artists, dude. b-mello and street sounds held the town the fuck down for years and years homie- and i dunno know if you heard, but i recently became that show's new host. i play hella local shit. ok, j moore & dj hyphen have been doing sunday night sound session on kube since like 2006, playing local shit. X-104 (RIP) played local shit. i mean...is this a fucking joke? do you not know what's going on out here?

Game of Rap: No man, I seriously wasn't aware of all that. I googled Dro Boy and only They Live came up. It almost seems as if you yourself are one of these Seattle Heads in question. Is there some sort of upper society running the city? If there is truly an open door policy for local music, or are people being held back?

Dro Boy: ok look. there are no echelons. they dont exist. all those rumors, the Chase Jarvis dinners and the secret War Room meetings and the underground grindway and the Fremont LSD barons and the architecture of the Sky Church and the "locked levels" of 206proof, i mean i dont even know what your talking about. you're all mixed up, friend. you should be careful saying that kind of stuff because somebody might think you're crazy, and lock you away, lock you away in a dark, foul-smelling 6 by 10 hole, forever. because you dont even remember anything i've just said. said what? i dont even know. so now listen very close to me. what you really mean is there is a place for everyone, and everyone in their place. get it, friend? do you feel illuminated, that is, enlightened? It's a new dawn. 206 Stand Up. 206 Stand Up. I think that's really probably all there is really to say about it, period. 206 Stand Up. Stand Up.

Game of Rap: Okay. I never thought of it like that. I guess you're right. Before you go though, I have just one last question that I feel to be very important. If this scene really isn't mutually exclusive to those
in charge, then could you shed some light on a few acts to watch out for?

Dro Boy: Oh of course- there's Blue Scholars, Dyme Def, and (touches earpiece), and The Saturday Knights.

Game of Rap: Wow. Thank you for your time, Mr... Dro Boy... err.. Gatsby... err... Larry Mizell Jr. Your unique perspective is appreciated as always.

Dro Boy: OK, you be safe now.
_____________________________________

Game tips/Walk through: 1UP. There's obviously no fuccery in the Northwest Hip-Hop scene. Enjoy your Chai Tea and listen to some sweet tunes.

Objects on Flyer are Further than they Appear

2009-08-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Remember that time Snoop Dogg and DJ Quik were billed on a flyer below T-Why and Big Boob? This show posted on 206 Proof promises Bone Thugs N Harmony and the illusion of a West Coast Mega Show all for only $12!!!

Let me just give you a little quotation that accompanied it: "Sunday Aug 16th @ King Cat Theater @ 7:30 PM. Bone Thugs N Harmony are performing. Come check it out. Advance tix are $12. whisper me for tix. Other artists who might show up, but may not perform include Snoop Dogg, DJ Quik, and Kokane." This was posted by rap-star-in-training J. Bre. His MySpace profile, at the time of me writing this, boasts [opening for Bone Thugs, Snoop Dogg Aug 16]. Here is the rest of the flyer in question:

I get a kick out of "artists who might show up, but may not perform". Why not just eliminate some of the doubt and say "artists won't show up, but neither will fans". This kinda reminds me of the time Ne-Yo was booked for a New Year's Eve Party in Bellevue while being promoted for Dick Clark's NYE Bash in NYC. In that case, Ne-Yo appeared with apology via big screen as the concert promoters disappeared via the exit before refunds could be offered to attendees.

It's a disgraceful practice, nobody wins. This show will not be a success in any form. Somebody's bound to get paid in the matter, but dozens are going to have to take it (no lube) in the process. Promising Bone Thugs and eluding to a star studded event is not equal to two former members of Bone, their less than credible spin-off groups and a bunch of unseasoned local artists (pre-sale ticket masters). This show is a fool's lie and it's creating victims at a rapid rate.

Game tips/Walk through: Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Fans, do not show up. Artists, do not break your back promoting this show. You may think this is your big break, but it's really just going to leave you broke, big time. Even cash up front is not worth the negative association your name is going to receive in the future for putting it on this flyer.

This is a classic bad look... but hindsight is 20/20. Many of us have been there and felt first hand the wrath of a shitty show. You get wise to it. It really should be a no-brainer, but still people insist on signing up for these gigs. If you do find yourself on the business end of this flyer, I suggest you take a little time off and rethink your game plan. There's bound to be something better you can put your time and energy into. Even if it's selling merchandise at a Grynch show.

Stuck On Level One: Shankebone

2009-08-08T19:30:00.001-07:00

The Situation: These guys recently posted this video on 206Proof claiming to be the future of Seattle Hip-Hop.

Game tips/Walk through: Door is locked, must find key. Be a part of Seattle Hip-Hop's present before you start claiming you're part of it's future.

Hate the Player: Krue

2009-08-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

The Situation: Our target, Krue, is a terrible rapper from Seattle. He doesn't stand out with any notable talent, and worse he looks so averagely white that every picture I see of him seems to be a different random white boy. The only reason I even bring him up, is because of his recent Game Play mistakes.

You see, Krue (or Chandler as I like to call him), heard a couple songs from Grynch's most recent EP that he found to be a little too familiar. Our feeble minded friend Chandler had created a song about his shitty car and another one about the concept of "time not waiting for no one" (a couple banger original ideas, if you ask me). Our guy Grynch touched on the subjects, including his song "My Volvo"... one of my favorite local tracks of 2009 (which has been a stellar year so far). Chandler's mind deciphered this to be great plagiarism.

2 Live Krue took it upon himself to write a diss record to Grynch, which really lacked any notable punches and even came off as self destructive in parts. Not much of a threat yet, this is where the kid gets cocky enough to warrant a beat down. He pays cover for himself and a half dozen of his friends to get into Grynch's release party and they pass out CD's containing the diss record to all of Grynch's fans.

I received one, unfortunately I soon after misplaced it. In fact, as I was walking to my car after the show, I saw the Fremont streets littered with the discs. Luckily, the next day on 206Proof there was a thread about the occurrence already posted. Included was a few of Chandler's friends and family members there to gas up his attempts at Rappin' White Boy domination.

To be fair though, Grynch had some people on his side too... some randoms like Larry Mizell Jr., Mr. D-Sane, Jake One and just about the entire rest of Seattle Hip-Hop. They all had his back because Grynch has a pretty High Score in the 206 Game of Rap. He's leveled up on numerous occasions by playing huge shows, releasing a steady flow of heavily praised music and showing support back to the hip-hop community. Krue failed to do any of that before calling out the mean one, Mr. Grynch.

Game tips/Walk through: Hit the reset button. Seriously Krue, you have dug a hole too deep to climb out of. Your most recent cry for justification has only solidified the fact that you don't get it and you never will. You've pretty much killed any chance you have of doing serious business here in Seattle.

Your best bet is to move to Montana or Idaho and try pushing your music to a new market. You may try to stay in the city, live a normal life, give up music and maybe become a fan again. It's well documented that one point you were a fan of Grynch. Maybe it's time to apologize to the King of Ballard. Offer him tidings, maybe even sell merch of him at one of his upcoming shows. Just recognize you have made a terrible mistake and there is no way to come out of this situation without a loss.

Game of Rap Intro

2009-08-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

Rappers, it's not safe anymore. You've had your chances in the past to make your own mistakes and learn from them. However, mistakes are far too valuable these days. Your mistakes will now be our entertainment. You won't have the luxury of learning from them on your own. Sorry kids, it's class time and you will be instructed at great lengths on your faults.

You were the one that chose to play the rap game. You thought you could level up. You maybe even typed in a few cheat codes to get where you are today. All is seemingly well, but then you make a wrong turn. You've got yourself in a sticky situation and there looks to be no way out. Your instincts tell you that you're fucked, but your stubborn ways send you into a button mash frenzy.

Game Over.

Life doesn't come with a reset button, but your career in the rap game does. This is a walk through for sorrow's path. The "be all, end all" for every hobbyist. Welcome to the Game of Rap.