Shankbone got a mention in the Huffinton Post alongside Macklemore:
Then Sam Lachow decided it was time to distance himself from the funny faced group of goobers and showcase his talents around himself and not his goofy fucking friends.
Further more, I heard Sam Lachow had sex with one of his teachers. That's fucking bossy right there. We've all heard about rappers and their groupies, but to toot it and boot it to your fucking teacher is MASSIVE. Sam gets points right there from me.
Anyway, let's get on with this review.
Track 01: Thank You For Tonight
This is a song. Sam basically composes the music from nothing but his voice, into a swanky jazz ensemble. As he directs his acquaintances in almost Sinatra like fashion, leading the Pack, he hits a crescendo and then passes vocal duties off to a beautiful voice... that of Eliza Young. Once she hits the track, it becomes grown up. This version is different from the version released with this video:
- the album version as a whole is better, but I prefer the female voice on the video version a bit more. The ultimate message behind this song is that Sam gets bitches. I believe him. He's running this pale face Seattle swag, all unapologetic style. This is grown folks music. Readers of the Huffington Post would get jiggy to this shit.
Track 02: Brand New Bike
Oh hey, Sam Lachow. Let's start this track out right with a pretty lady voice. Good choice. Pretty ladies > Shankbone Alumni. This song evokes the feeling of being young and not giving a fuck. Getting your new bike and exploring the neighborhood. You feel kind of invincible. This song makes you feel that way again. Of course, you weren't invincible. You were some prick kid on your new bike, one wrong turn away from getting it stolen or worse hit by a car because you're too busy thinking of Pokemon or some other kid shit than keeping out of traffic. Still, it's nice to be dumb and innocent again. Another great song that probably speaks deeply to those on the Eastside of Lake Washington.
Track 03: Hash Muffins
This is a smoking song that has a sensual feeling to it. It's totally gay for weed. The chorus is auto tuned, or some other version of robot voice. This is so fucking slow. All I can picture is all of the dudes on this song sitting around on a couch in a dark room, passing around a blunt and sucking it with super wet lips. I dunno. Not my favorite track on the album.
Track 04: Rude Pussy
This is a song about girls. Girls with attitudes. Sam thinks he's too cool for 'em, even tho they act like they're too cool for him. Then all of a sudden a girl starts rapping about all the guys she bangs. She's banging twins without them knowing... that's ass backwards. Twins should be tagging the same girl, acting like the same brother. Damnit. The chorus says "Who do you think you are? Marilyn Monroe? HELL NO!". I'm very conflicted on this one, because the Sam Lachow I think I know wouldn't give a shit about a rude bitch.
Track 05: Gary Payton
This is the song from the most recent video to drop from the album, I assume the single. It's fun. Sam comes different like Ham and Green Eggs. I GOT DUBS! I GOT DUBS ON DECK! I'm not sold on Sam's acquaintances, but they probably party tough with him. I would totally drink beers with those guys tho... they talk about Micro Brews and stuff, I bet their parents have a sweet bottle of Scotch above the refrigerator too.
Track 06: Backwards
Here comes the saxophone again and some pretty lady sing moans to accompany it. This song says that people are going to try and bring you down. A lot of people have tried to bring down Sam Lachow. I was one of them at first... but fuck man, I was wrong. He's just doing his damn thing and he's not out here faking his persona or cutting at another mother fucker.
Track 07: LittleManBigCity
Cute girl voice doing the "Da da da dada Da da" through out. Sam's talking to his brother about growing up. Telling him not to do bad stuff like smoke with cigawettes and do hood rat stuff. He drops the "fucked a teacher" line in this. Talks about doing hood rat stuff. Tells his brother not to grow up too fast. In New York City. Don't let it take you away. Good stuff, brother Sam.
Track 08: The Rapper (Interlude)
He's mocking those kids who want to be rappers and not do anything else with their life. Whining to their daddy to feed them while they try to be Snoop Dogg. It's in an aristocratic voice. Lulz.
Track 09: My House
This track boasts that you need to take your fucking shoes off before coming into Sam's house. It's a metaphor for him running this shit. It's probably the most Sam Lachow way of saying, he runs this rap shit. It's pretty fucking good. I like it. If you have beef with a man telling you to take your shoes off, then I guess you need to go walk through dog shit and slide it across Sam's carpet.
Track 10: Captain Fun
This is a party track. Sam's hangs with all types of people. Gangsters and party kids and stuff. Just a bunch of dumb guys doing what kids do. Don't complain about the noise, damnit. You used to make noise. AWE AWE YEAH! I hate the guest appearance's whiny rap voice... but fuck it, I bet he's a beast at Beer Pong.
Track 11: The Best Part
This song is cheery. When you're a contract killer you're SUPPOSED to shoot. Hardest verse on the entire CD so far is on here... from Razpy. Sam proudly exclaims he doesn't need ex-girlfriends. There's plenty of fish in the sea and Sam's a fucking angler.
Track 12: Illegal
Sam talks about guns. People dreaming that they could take him out. HE'S A GANGSTER ASS WHITE BOY! This song is pretty HOARD. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS LEGAL? This CD is getting progressively more gangster as it nears it's end. Much like Sam himself, at first take, you see a classy student with a penchant for fun, but when you dig deeper... fuck, he's banging teachers and smoking blunts with known thugs. If you're a gangster in Seattle and you don't have yourself a white boy in the crew yet, I suggest you swoop up Sam. He's on some MVP white boy status.
Track 13: Swisher Sweet Dreams
This one goes out to Seattle. Not just for the blunt smokers... everybody. The girl on the hook comes appropriate. This is the far superior weed ode to the Hash Muffins track. Sam paints some pictures of Seattle, from when he was growing up... but it's all a memory now, as he's moved on. The track cuts out and after a short silence, we get an accapella bonus. The CD is over.
Final analysis?
If you've ever liked any of Sam's songs, you will like this CD. There's two Sam Lachows on this disc. The jazzy, ladie's man Sam and the swagged out white boy Sam. There's about a 50/50 split on those tracks through out. Would I listen to this again? Maybe... if I ever listened to music for leisure. But I don't. I listen to music for sport. For the hopes I can gut apart somebody's hard work.
I would have loved to gut apart Sam Lachow's album, Brand New Bike... but I can't. He took all the right steps. He put out a good CD. I bet my mom would love this CD. I hope Sam makes like a million dollars off this music. It's more refined and grown up than most anything I'm hearing from rap kids his age. I can just imagine him headlining a night at Seattle's Jazz Alley. Smiling white faces in the crowd, nodding back and forth as they eat their high priced dinner salads.
Good job!
